Now that I’ve been a parent for six months, I thought I’d look back at what I’ve learned so far. Here are six highlights:
1. There are lots of things that I did to try to prepare myself for becoming a parent and supporting my wife during pregnancy and labour, but there was nothing that quite prepared me for exactly how it felt to become a parent . I don’t mean this in a negative way. As I said in my first blog post, I found it really beneficial to read books about pregnancy and childbirth, in particular ones that focused on the dad’s perspective as well as the mum’s and where I read about what sorts of feelings other dads and dads-to-be experienced.
Even though it’s now just over six months since our son was born, there are so many things from the day of his birth that I remember as if they had only happened yesterday. These include seeing and hearing him for the first time and phoning my parents to let them know that he’d been born. It had been a long labour and I was very tired as well as quite emotional. I remember just being able to blurt out the words ‘it’s a boy’ before starting to cry and hearing my mum do the same at the other end of the phone.
2. It’s such a blessing to be able to take two weeks of paternity leave. Shortly after doing a blog post about the paternity leave system here in the UK, I got a lot of really fascinating input from fellow dads who had been in a range of different situations as to if they could take paternity leave and how long they could take. As I mentioned in a follow-up post about my own experience of paternity leave, the two weeks created a great opportunity to be there and try to be as supportive and helpful a husband and father as I could be.
Getting used to new sleep patterns and a new routine in many other ways did bring its own challenges, but the fortnight was above all full of good quality family time that helped all three of us – my son, my wife and me – to bond as a new family unit.
3. Not being afraid to ask questions, especially in the first few weeks is really important. When we left the maternity ward, where the nurses and doctors had all been great, they told us not to be afraid to get in touch if we had any questions about anything and gave us the phone numbers to ring in order to do so. We did ring once or twice about things to do with issues such as what the contents of his nappies looked like and the midwifes were really helpful and didn’t sound at all put out to be asked.
Ultimately, the things that we asked about turned out to be nothing major but it was good to be certain and put our minds at rest. I’ve also found it really helpful to talk to others who have been through the process of becoming parents over the last year, in other words from even before our son was born to where we’re at now. We probably experienced some things a bit differently to certain people, but getting an idea of what can happen, might happen and ways that people deal with it (and the ways it is medically advisable to deal with situations) was really useful.
4.It sometimes feels that the arrival (or impending arrival) of a child is an excuse for companies to market a wide variety of items that are far from essential. As I said in a recent post about this issue, different people are going to find different things more or less useful. One thing that I really don’t get why so many people buy almost all baby clothes new when a lot of them are only going to last a matter of weeks. It’s great to have a few special outfits, but there’s so much stuff available from charity shops that helps to save money, raise money for a good cause and cut down on waste.
We’ve been so lucky to have also been lent so many clothes by friends and family and I’m sure that we’ll try to reciprocate in the future. I can appreciate that there are safety reasons that mean that it really is important to buy certain items new rather than second hand (e.g. car seat, cot mattress), and it’s easier to spend more on these items if you’re not spending lots on things that you don’t really need or can buy second hand.
5. It’s great to be there to see so many little firsts as our son develops. I loved being there when our son had his first bath and helping to bathe him. I wasn’t joking when I tweeted about being excited about going out to get him his first toothbrush and brushing his teeth for the first time being a highlight of that particularly weekend. I didn’t mean that in a negative way at all, I guess it’s just a sign of being a bit sentimental (…or perhaps slightly odd in some people’s book!).
I also love looking back at how things like our first trip outside the house, our first walk by the seaside and our first family holiday have all been adventures in their own way. I look forward to other firsts that are yet to come, such as taking him to his first football match and his first day at school.
6. I’m still learning! This whole blogging thing is still fairly new to me and I’m learning new things about it all the time from people who know a lot more about it than I do, and I’d say pretty much the same thing about parenting. I feel that I’m constantly learning about our son as well as what we needs and wants. As he’s only six months old, he’s still learning about how to form requests, demands and ultimatums himself! 🙂 I’m currently trying to help him with this as well as teaching him other practical skills like doing a high five.
If you are a parent, what are the most important things that you learned in the first six months of being a parent? I’d love to hear your views on this question and this article in general, so please feel free to let me know your views via the comments section below. If you want to keep up with this blog, there are ‘Dad’s The Way I Like It’ pages on Facebook or Google+. Remember that you can also subscribe to this blog by entering your e-mail address in the box on the right of the screen and also follow this blog via BlogLovin.
Similar posts:
Being a dad – celebrating the little things
7 thoughts from my 7th month as a parent
8 thoughts from my 8th month as a parent
9 thoughts from my 9th month as a parent
I’ve linked this post up at the ‘Something for the weekend’ parent blog link-up run by Diary of the Dad and the Voice of Sarah Miles.
memyselfandkids.com
Oct 22, 2013 @ 12:02:16
You are so right – parenting is one of those things you learn more by doing rather than reading (of course reading can be helpful).
Those 2 weeks off sound nice. My 1st son was born right before I had a 10 day break. I was happy to have the time and my wife says it was a G-dsend.
My kids are 9 and 7. I will always be learning. I think that is a good and important attitude.
Jonathan
Oct 27, 2013 @ 22:14:27
Thanks for sharing that. I’ve heard so many people say recently that they’re still learning about the whole parenting thing, including people who have been parents for over thirty years!
memyselfandkids.com
Oct 27, 2013 @ 22:29:53
I find that both comforting and scary.
Justin Knight
Oct 24, 2013 @ 03:23:32
I learned that you don’t have sex as much as you did before being a parent!
Paul Wandason
Oct 25, 2013 @ 18:59:33
Interesting list, and I’m sure it will keep growing with your months of Dad-hood!
Similar to your point 5, I’ve learnt that spending all the time I can with my children to be really important. Outside influences can be a real nuisance (in-laws, daycare, etc.) so raising our children in our way in our homes comes much easier when we are actually with them. Well actually, it’s simply that it’s fun to be with our children! 🙂
Jonathan
Oct 26, 2013 @ 11:28:30
Thanks for sharing your views, I also really like spending as much time as possible with our son.
Sarah Miles
Oct 26, 2013 @ 14:49:46
Aw, as a hardened mother of three constantly arguing children it was rather lovely to read this and remember how special those early days are. Very cute piccies too 🙂
Thanks for linking to #SFTW
Jonathan
Oct 27, 2013 @ 19:14:48
Thanks for reading and commenting, Sarah. These early days are indeed very special and it’s great to see our son developing and doing new things all the time.
John Adams
Oct 26, 2013 @ 18:40:54
I’ll be preaching to the converted in your case Jonathan, but one thing I learned was not to let anyone question your abilities as a parent simply because you’re male. I also think there’s an awful lot of doom-saying about parenting and how modern parents are all softies raising useless children. Not seen much evidence of it myself. Keep on blogging, it’s a very good read!
Jonathan
Oct 26, 2013 @ 18:56:18
Thanks, John, glad you enjoyed reading. Thankfully there haven’t been too many times when we’ve received well-meaning but irritating advice.
Tom
Oct 26, 2013 @ 19:31:54
Excellent post as always! It brought back a lot about my first six months as a dad too – in particular the bit about phoning midwives in the middle of the night about the contents of my son’s nappy! Three years on from his arrival and with his little brother in tow now too, I still feel like I’m winging it – both in terms of being a dad and blogging about it. 🙂
Jonathan
Oct 27, 2013 @ 19:13:52
Thanks Tom, glad you liked reading it. I’ve heard quite a few people say that they feel that they’re still learning about parenting, including one person who sad they feel that they’re still learning despite having thirty years of experience.
madrexilio
Oct 27, 2013 @ 19:31:08
I´m not a father but I kind of felt the same about my first months as a mother. I think blogging help us a lot to understand our feelings and issues about parenting and other stuff. I´m very happy you post regulary because I do enjoy reading blogs with dads´ perspective.
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